ORACLE TEMPLE OF THE MAGIC CHICKEN

Once upon a time the fate of mankind was predestined and Oracles were employed to reveal the future. During the expansion of the Roman Empire the Oracle Temple of The Magic Chicken was consulted before every battle. A consecrated offering of holy grain, water, wine, etc was made to the Oracle. If the offering was accepted by the Magic Chicken victory was assured but if the offering was not accepted by the Magic Chicken defeat was imminent and the Romans would make a hasty retreat to fight another day. Thus the mighty Roman Empire was built. The down fall of the Roman Empire can be traced to a decisive naval battle in 460 AD. The Roman fleet was heading into battle and as usual the Roman Commander was preparing to seek the prognostication of the Oracle Temple of the Magic Chicken. The Commander gasped as he reached into the empty urn of sacred grain and remembered what the other thing was he had needed to procure before sailing. Unfortunately, the chalice of consecrated wine had been drunk the day before by the former Imperial Guard of the Oracle Temple of the Magic Chicken on a date from one of the Visigoth oarsmen. Now the Commander wishes he hadn’t made that last round of honey mead and holy water cocktails last night. Thinking fast the Commander gets some grain from the galley, assuring himself that the Magic Chicken wouldn’t know the difference, and makes an offering to the Oracle Temple of the Magic Chicken, “Accept this offering”. He waits with head bowed for the Magic Chicken…nothing happens. As the Vandal Fleet draws nigh the Commander is becoming ever more anxious and once again makes an offering, “Accept this offering”. Again nothing happens. Flaming arrows land on the deck of the ship and the Commander starts to lose his temper. He yells at the Oracle Temple of the Magic Chicken and throws the remaining grain at it, “This is it Magic Chicken! This is getting serious! You better get your magic butt out here or else!” Nothing happens. The now psycho Commander grabs the Oracle Temple of the Magic Chicken, picks it up and starts trying to shake the Magic Chicken out, “OK Magic Chicken! You want my prediction!? Magic Chicken dies!” He heaves the Oracle Temple of the Magic Chicken overboard and as it hits the water a horrific storm comes up and sinks the Roman fleet. The Roman Empire was DOOMED.

The Oracle Temple of the Magic Chicken was discovered by Moon Bughead at a yard sale in Corn Dog, SC. He paid five dollars cash money for the long lost artifact. It is now located at Yahoo Farm. After extensive renovations and a few modern updates the Oracle Temple of the Magic Chicken is once again providing answers this time, for the betterment of mankind.

Live prognostications provided by the newly renovated and updated Oracle Temple of the Magic Chicken are available for $1. A card with your answer is provided so you will always have the answer you need. Remember, for a few dollars you can get all the answers you’ll need in the future.

Now you can always find the answers you need. Finally, there are answers! The Oracle Temple of the Magic Chicken provides the answers to those questions that life throws at you before they’re asked, so you don’t have to wait for the answers. Finally, there are answers! So, if you’re tired of standing in the back of the line, waiting for the answers to those questions in your future, visit the Oracle Temple of the Magic Chicken and get the answers you’ll need.

Historically accurate representation of the Oracle Temple of the Magic Chicken getting thrown overboard during battle.